Is it really gonna happen?

Okay, so it's been a while.

I can't believe that my last post was over three weeks ago. I could blame the gap in posts on the holidays, my day job and other commitments, but that wouldn't be right. The truth is my commitment to make a film, my crazy idea, is wavering.

Some days, I'm enthused at the prospect of making a feature length film and submitting it to festivals. Other days, like today for instance, the idea of making a film seems like one of those late-Friday-night ideas.

You know what I'm talking about. You get together with some friends you haven't seen in ages and have a few drinks. You start talking about the things you all used to do together, then about things you all really wanted to do someday but never have. You talk some more. You throw around ideas. Everyone gets really excited. "I'm in! Are you in? Yeah! We're definitely gonna do this!" Everyone leaves the bar happy with a promise to each other that it's definitely going to happen.

The next morning your still happy and excited, but as the weekend progresses those Friday night promises are filed away in your brain. You still have every intention of making them real, but the immediacy of the moment is gone.

Then the work week hits. You realize that you have little free time and your vacation time has already been eaten away by other commitments. You look at your bank balance and wonder how you are going to get by. Slowly reality grinds away at those grand ideas of the Friday night before. Your enthusiasm dips, and you wonder if your late-Friday-night idea is ever going to happen.

That's where I am today.

But even though today I may be doubting my ability to pull off my crazy idea, I do realize that working through doubt is part of the process. And my idea to make a film was not a late-Friday-night idea, but a sober commitment to do something I've wanted to do for years.

My freedom resides in that commitment. And it's a commitment I must stick to despite any doubt.

-Eric